Time for another deep dive into a particular aspect of squash matches that drives me nuts. I’ve already discussed military presses and how those hit my jobber soul. Today: When a heel throws a jobber outside the ring, punishes him out there, and then tosses him back under the ropes for the punishment to continue.
Ready for some great jobber humiliations? Great! Let’s do this!
It’s a move that’s a mainstay of so many great squashes. The heel takes his jobber by the back of his trunks and throws him either between the ropes or right over the top. Sometimes they use their hair to guide them over the top, sometimes they press them outside. I obviously prefer when they grab the trunks, but other methods work too. I love seeing jobbers worked over on the outside and I love when the heel ventures down there to do the damage or relies on a manager or valet to do the same. It all takes place inches from the crowd, which is another key element to the whole production. Before the jobber was at least, in a way, protected by the ropes inside the ring. His punishment and degradation takes place inside the confines of the squared circle. But now he’s out in the wild, out on the concrete and the paying fans get an up close look at everything.
In the throwing out the jobber trash scenario, I think there are three big parts of it that drive me wild (I realize this sounds like a thesis or something but, I suppose, in a way it is as I’ve studied these things for 30 years).
There’s a physical part, there’s a visual aspect, and there’s an emotional aspect. Let’s take these one by one.
It’s just good old American fun to see jobber bodies being FLUNG outside the ring. Look at them fly! I love seeing how they leave the ring and how they land. Do they go over the top or between the ropes? What do they hold onto as they hit the apron and then the concrete? Do they land awkwardly and suffer some real pain? They’re obviously trained to take these falls so it’s fun seeing how they physically do it. But then when they land, I live for the writhing and the grimacing, the way the jobber pussies will clutch their backs and roll around on the ground. And seeing a jobber crushed and destroyed outside the friendly confines of the ring adds a dangerous element to the whole thing. Will the heel use a chair? A bell? The concrete for a piledriver? A metal barrier to drop the jobber’s neck on? So many options!
Tied into the physical, but this is more just the pure eye pleasure of taking it all in. Seeing the faces on the jobber, the heel and the fans when something happens outside the ring after a jobber has been discarded. The visual of the trunks being wedgied up their ass as they’re tossed like trash to the mat. The visual of the women in the crowd smiling when they see a hot man in tight trunks at their feet while an alpha male comes down to punish them some more. The visual of the eyes fluttering on the jobber as the horny cameraman zooms in on his carcass outside the ring.
What is a heel saying when he throws a jobber out? Part of it is just, hey, I’m putting you out there because I need a new playspace to inflict my punishment. But I also love the underlining motive: YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO SHARE THIS RING WITH ME, YOU FUCKING SISSY. You don’t deserve to even wrestle in the same arena with me so I am going to take you and throw you outside of my office. It’s like a teacher throwing an unruly student out of the classroom…and then going into the hallway to kick the shit out of him. Delightful. I’m going to put you out there with the commoners and let the citizens see me beat the shit out of you up close and personal. You don’t have a prayer of beating me in the ring, so I’m going to eject you from it and make you squirm outside of it. There’s something very emasculating about that, from my perspective as a a jobber. It’s the heel enforcing his dominance in yet another way over a jobber.
All that said, let’s go to the clips! Here are many of my favorite examples of jobbers being thrown out, punished, destroyed,thrown back in, etc. Note: With a lot of these matches I’ll put the recording at the time the jobber is thrown out or when the outside destruction is happening, but it’s worth your time to watch the whole things. It goes without saying.
STAN HANSEN DECIMATES THE FAIRY JOE DEFURIA IN PINK
Stan Hansen didn’t have to be De Niro to pull off the crazy man routine. He really did come off as someone who was a tad unbalanced. The cowboys hat, the boots, the tobacco dripping disgustingly out of his mouth, the big body, he must have been one intimidating motherfucker for any sissy jobber who signed on the dotted line. And then Joe DeFuria decides to wear pink trunks against him? Didn’t his mama ever tell him to never wear pink against a madman heel? It’s like the first rule.
Of course Hansen was going to be enraged at the effeminate muscle-bound geek squaring off against him. DeFuria looks anxious from the start, as if he’s going to piss his pink panties. Not surprisingly, Hansen only needs 40 seconds to throw DeFuria outside the ring. How about the lucky cameraman outside the ring in his shorts? One of the perks of that job was surely the opportunity to film up close whenever a hot guy got beat up in front of him. You could have been a geek back in high school, always picked on by the jocks, but as a pro wrestling cameraman, suddenly you’re given the job of videotaping the destruction and humiliation of these supposed studs. What a power trip.
The maniacal Hansen doesn’t do a lot of damage to the pussy in pink, just a few big concussion-inducing boots to the head, but he delightfully pulls Big Joe up by his pink trunks and gives him a great wedgie as he throws him back into the ring. And…oh my god! Look, girls and guys! Joe wasn’t just wearing pink trunks. He also made sure to wear his white panties underneath them. Oh, sorry, liners. Hansen totally exposes the fairy’s unmentionables. You can hear a litlte pop from the crowd around 1:03, after DeFuria’s adjusted his trunks to cover up his shameful underthings. It’s pointless, Joe. You’re not saving face by coveirng your ass. Take your punishment like a man. Or, at the least, like a good jobber boy.
THE BARBARIAN SHOWS RED TYLER WHAT A REAL MAN LOOKS LIKE
Here you have one of my favorite heels against a favorite jobber. Didn’t you love when that would happen? It’s like if you were a movie geek and suddenly in the same movie you’d have Hannibal Lecter and Indiana Jones appearing in the same scene. The Barbarian’s raw strength was astounding. Steroids? I assume. But he could so easily lift and manhandle a 220-pound man that it was downright intimidating.
And, of course, again, it’s Mr. Tyler, a frequent guest in this post. Red’s wearing his nice red trunks. The Barbarian doesn’t throw Red out but instead viciously clotheslines him and sends the red-haired fag toppling over the ropes. You can almost see Barbarian getting so impatient as he waits for Red to get back to his feet and get in the ring. So eventually, and you can’t blame the guy, the Barbarian climbs down and YANKS up Mr. Tyler’s trunks and gives him a thong in front of a capacity crowd, stunned TV viewers, and horny teenage jobber boys watching from home. At lest, that was my reaction when I first saw this. Holy fuck. After pulling Red up by his trunks he gives him a nice headbutt, and then grasps the trunks again to throw him in. Hello, huge wedgie. Red, sort of stupidly, only corrects one side of the wedgie before the monstrous heel finishes him off.
RICK RUDE MANHANDLES BLACK JOBBER
Things I love about this Rick Rude destruction of perennial jobber Gary Jackson. 1. Rude was always a man who enjoyed his work and took pride in his craft. 2. His valet at the time was Madusa Miceli, who I had a big crush on at the time. She always carried a sneer on her face, the type of look I’d imagine getting if I ever saw her in the bar and asked to buy her a drink. She’d see the jobber inside me from across the room. 3. Gary Jackson, great black jobber. Now, as a white jobber with a dose of liberal guilt, my favorite thing is seeing mean black heels destroy white pussyboys. Think of Ron Simmons or Butch Reed. Even Junkyard Dog scooping up a hapless jobber for his patented powerslam. But I also enjoyed the rare sighting of a black jobber, like Jackson. He suffered really well, here in his delicious red trunks.
I love how Rude tosses Jackson out onto the floor in front of his woman. Jackson lands right at Madusa’s feet, the same way his ancestors probably groveled in front of Madusa’s 150 years earlier. Rude then executes a pretty dangerous and devastating move, a piledriver right on the concrete. I love the look on Jackson’s stunned face when Rude throws him back into the ring. At 3:33, Jackson looks totally glazed in the eyes. Rude actually lovingly picks Gary up, following that wrestling code of not actually wanting to hurt his opponent (hate that code), and he gingerly pulls his prey up by his chin. Finally he grasps those delicious satin red trunks, gives a bit of a pull and sends Gary back into the ring to receive his final punishment. And all the while, Madusa, decked out in white, stands there observing her dominant man slapping around a black jobber. This was probably a big hit in the South.
MIKE ROTUNDA DEVELOPS FETISH FOR THROWING BOB EMORY OUTSIDE THE RING
Sometime around 1962 or so, a lab created a jobber named Bob Emory. A test tube created a hot, muscular, borderline retarded jobber who was designed for one purpose: to be used and abused by heels. Such a specimen. So many heels got their rocks off dominating this stud in the 1980s. I picture them having a pool back in the locker room about who could do what to Emory.
And in this match, Mike Rotunda decided to turn the match into a farce. What else can explain how he just keeps throwing Emory out time and time again. It’s borderline comical eventually, as Rotunda and his Varsity Club cohorts gang up on Emory. There was some dumb storyline involving Rick Steiner and when Emory lands outside the ring he’s sort of being kind to the jobber piece of meat, but the overall effect is just humiliating for Bob. He’s like a prop in this comedic show, like Gallagher’s sledgehammer, only there to provide amusement for the main entertainers and the audience. Rotunda has such pure disdain for this hot guy that he refuses to let him wrestle in the same ring. Get your ass out there, boy! And get out there again! And again! Each time Rotunda grips those silky Emory trunks — also created in the lab — and fires him outside. At one point Jim Ross says Sullivan is going to take some liberties with Emory. Uhhh, what? Like, what type of liberties, Jim? Pulling his trunks off and fucking him? Making him suck his cock in front of the TBS audience? Stuffing a baseball bat up his ass while making him sing the Syracuse Orangemen fight song? What type of liberties? Millions of wrestling perverts fervently masturbating under their covers demand answers.
For the record, Rotunda dispatched Bob four times. I would have liked four more.
DICK MURDOCH DESTROYS PROPERTY WITH BOB EMORY’S BODY
Yeah, it’s Bob again. Blue speedos. TBS audience. Dirty Dick Murdoch the opponent. What a nickname. In case you were wondering if maybe he was a clean wrestler or not mean, he carries the nickname Dirty Dick. Blech.
First, Dick, Dirty Dick, himself slides outside the ring while Bob is kept in it, his neck draped on the apron. Murdoch delivers several crushing blows to the jobber’s neck. Those had to hurt, I don’t care how you cushion them. Jesus. Emory then literally and haplessly slides to the concrete, as if he’s an actor looking to his his spot. “Now, Bob, we’re going to need you in your tiny trunks to fall and writhe right….here. Yep, right there.” When he slides out of the ring he looks like a bag of garbage being thrown down a chute. No regard for his feelings or his health. Then watch around the 1:25, or 1:26ish mark, when the camera angle changes and we see the crowd. Check out the ladies in front and the woman in blue who appears to be clapping as the camera pans. Miss, what are you clapping? Are you happy to see a 20ish guy in skimpy gear being molested a few feet from you? Do you find that entertaining? Do you think it’s okay for Dirty Dick Murdoch to blatantly break the rules like this and pick apart a jobber outside the confines of the ring? Do you? Well, if you do, I hope you’re reading this blog. You’re with friends now.
That’s when things get weird. Murdoch throws poor Bob into the announcer’s podium and it collapses as Bob falls into a heap. Was it designed to do that or was it an accident? No idea. But what a humiliation on the outside of the ring. Murdoch, sorry, Dirty Dick, then takes a piece of plywood and starts clubbing Emory with that, further subduing the foolish jobber. Emory looks half in pain, half befuddled at the whole thing. The announcers tell Jim Cornette to get his checkbook out but the way I imagine this ending is that Emory had to pay for the damages. That would be awesome. Poor Bob’s pathetic little jobber check garnished to pay for a fucking podium. Dirty Dick finishes off the dirtiness by hoisting Bob and ramming him into the post. Whatever Bob got paid for this it wasn’t enough. Wait, sorry. Whatever Bob got paid for this was too much, because jobbers should pay for the privilege of being abused like this.
TED DIBIASE AND VIRGIL HUMILIATE RED TYLER
Oh, goodness. It’s Red Tyler’s red trunks again. Being turned into a thong. This time by the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase and his black servants (political correctness…not a very big thing back in the early 1990s). Virgil and Sapphire watch Ted dismantle Red. I love how Dibiase commands his servant Virgil to throw Red back in. Obeying, Virgil grabs Red by the waistband and pulls him up, tosses him back.
At 27:57, check out the blonde teenage girl a few rows back, standing to get a better view. Yellow and red tank top. Looks cute, though hard to tell for sure with quality of video. But when Virgil pulls Red up by his trunks, she’s staring right at it, enjoying the sights.
Eventually Dibiase throws a powerslam on ol’ Red and is it my imagination or does his hand linger on his practically bare ass a bit? Watching it all, as she sees this cute white dude in tiny trunks lodged up his butt, Sapphire puts her hands up to her face, almost in disbelief. I even love how the little white tag is protruding from Red’s trunks. How emasculating for Red! Is this what he signed up for? Is this what he thought pro wrestling was about? What would his family think? Finally the Million Dollar dream is slapped on and we get an image that had me evacuating my jobber juices into my undies as a teen: Red, wedgied, passed out, his mouth stuffed with a hundred dollar bill. Cig, please!
MR PERFECT RAPES RED TYLER’S ASS WITH HIS OWN TRUNKS
Probably one of the 5 most infamous jobber matches in history, this battle famously ended with Red Tyler’s delicious green trunks lodged horrifically up his ass. The crowd laughs. You can hear them. You can see a woman in the front row sitting next to her hillbilly boyfriend react when someone apparently says something about Red’s ass…and that’s before the worst wedgie was given. But it all started with Mr. Perfect and Red outside the ring, where Perfect delivered some great chops to the jobber’s chest. I love how Perfect lines him up for that second chop, situating him just so just a few feet from the crowd. Tyler takes the punishment with a grimace and a flop. And then Perfect takes a hold of Red’s green trunks and delivers the first wedgie in this epic humiliation. It’s more of a mild humiliation but it started the trunks on their inevitable journey to the center of the earth — and Red’s ass. Freeze it at 8 seconds, just as those trunks are being yanked. Watch the man in like the third row, who briefly sits down and then just as Red is being thrown back into the ring he has to stand up for a better view. “Uh, no, honey, I wasn’t standing up because I’m turned on by men in speedos being humiliated in public! No. Don’t be ridiculous. I just wanted a better view of the jobber being thrown under the ropes. That’s all.”
At 17 seconds is when you see the woman in the front row across the way start giggling at the jobber, just when his ass first comes into view. Shen then gives a clap of the hands, a nice preview for the women you can hear whooping and hollering a few minutes later when Red is outfitted in a thong by Mr. Perfect’s epic yanking.
LEGION OF SISSIES
So at this time the Beverly Brothers were feuding with the Legion of Doom. To mock them, they’d put red, paint, lipstick, I dunno, on their opponents and label them the Legion of Sissies. Creative? No. But hot? Yes. Here, Red Tyler suffers the fate at the end of the match as the Beverlys get into their art project by putting LOS on his chest, painting his face and then telling the crowd he’s a new member of the Legion of Sissies. Okay. And all of this happened outside the ring, while the crowd took it in. And Red? Red Tyler had to stand there and suffer this indignation. While his family and friends watched back home. Not fair to him, glorious for us.
KENDALL WINDHAM EMBARRASSES MUSCLE-BOUND IDIOT
Mike Tolbert didn’t do a ton for me. Too many muscles. But these purple trunks are wondrous, and then Kendall Windham, perhaps in a rage because his brother Barry was so much more talented and everyone liked him more, tosses him into the ring by giving Tolbert a gigantic and debilitating wedgie. Check out the grin of the lady at 3:39. She’s living the good life. Cheap tickets for some pro wrestling, get out of the house for a few hours, and lo and behold, a hunk in purple panties lands at her feet. And she was about to get an x-rated show. At 3:44, children in attendance pat the jobber’s body as he’s draped over the steel barrier. Yes, kids, that’s a real jobber in the flesh. He’s human just like you and me. Except he devotes his life to getting his ass kicked. No, really. So eat your vegetables and listen to your mom or dad or you’re going to grow up and end up like this doofus, getting wedgied and humiliated in front of millions. Not surprising, at 4:04, when thong’d Tolbert is stuffed back in the ring, you can hear some ladies — maybe the ones in the front row — squealing in delight. Tolbert almost haplessly spends several seconds adjusting his trunks but the damage, such as it was, was already done.
SKINNER USES AND ABUSES CHRIS HAWN/HAHN (HOWEVER YOU SPELLED IT)
This is both a favorite match…and sort of maddening. Love the fact Skinner spits on and dominates the obviously frightened Hawn, who looks like a pants-pissing nerd being confronted by the school jock. But why oh why Skinner didn’t you grab Chris’s delicious trunks and wedgie them up his ass? That could have taken this match from amazing to legendary. Still, we get some nice out of the ring action, especially because each time Hawn lands, he tries and adjusts his trunks…even though he’s not wedgied. Interesting. This plays into my perverted fantasies in a wonderful way because I think it shows how embarrassing it was for Chris to be paraded around in those trunks. He wasn’t even being yanked around but he was so self-conscious that he felt the need to reach back, in full view of the camera, and try to adjust them. Again, this is why it would have been amazing if Skinner had given him a wedgie. We could have seen a jobber cry on national TV. Sweet, sweet submissive jobber tears.
At the 3:33 mark you will probably want to have some Kleenex handy, as Skinner drapes the pussy into the ropes and we get a nice view of Chris’ cock in his little trunks. And then Skinner literally kicks him out of the ring, which is sort of fun.
BATTEN TWINS LEARN PRICE OF WEARING BLUE PANTIES
This is just one of those matches that should be the subject of a documentary. A 12-parter, with Ken Burns directing and just zooming in on the hottest points of the match. The fucking Batten Twins. Bart and Brad. When they came out of the womb, the doctor slapped each one. Then the nurses did. A custodian came in to slap them. Another mother in the maternity ward slapped them. And that prepared them for the rest of their lives, when heels would take turns slapping them like the bitches they were. Here it’s Randy Savage and David Schultz just OBLITERATING the Battens inside and especially and amazingly, outside the ring. Where the fuck was this match held, first of all? Your uncle’s garage? THe audience is RIGHT THERE ringside for the action. Then the Battens dare to come out in silky blue trunks. I feel this was one of the earliest times you saw wrestlers wearing this amazing material. Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but the Battens were trend-setters in their fashionable panties. The entire match is worth a view or 200, but when it goes outside, the intensity of the whole affair goes up 100 percent.
But first, how about the 1:27 mark when Dr. Death puts one of the Battens — do not ask me which was which — into a tombstone by grasping his trunks (oh for a better camera angle) and the jobber’s hot mouth is put directly onto the heel’s hot cock. Was this legal back then, what with sodomy laws being what they were in that part of the country at the time? At 1:34, Savage is trying to suplex another Batten, MERE INCHES from a blood-thirsty crowd. Seriously, Batten’s hot ass is nearly put into the lap of one of the paying customers. What a sight! How long did those people talk about this match? Was it used as foreplay? At 1:40 the black dude especially seems to be getting a kick out of it and stands up to show his appreciation, and perhaps gratefullness that he was never a Batten. Inside the ring, Schultz just keeps giving snap suplexes to one of the sibling pansies an at some point the ref really should have put an end to this madness. Someone could have been hurt.
Hilariously, even the corn-fed announcers can’t figure out which Batten is getting his ass kicked where! Is that Brad in the ring? Bart? Did Mrs. Batten have a triplet? What an embarrassment to the entire Batten clan. “I tell you what,” Mr. Announcer informs us. “They are both taking their punishment.” Fuck yeah they are. Finally the match ends…or does it!? The action again goes outside the ring where the heels continue to crush these twins. “They’ve already beat them. They’ve hurt them. Now they want to destroy them.” Ya don’t say? Where do I sign up? At 3:57, Savage hauls one of the Battens around by his jobber head and the boy is practically trotting like a show pony in his speedos around the ring. Have some pride, man. Stand up for yourself. Or, to the delight of all of us, don’t.
KEVIN SULLIVAN, MISS JACQUELINE RIP APART HECTOR GUERRERO
Yes, I still fantasize about getting my ass kicked by Miss Jacqueline, the black female pro wrestler and former henchwoman for Kevin Sullivan. For a brief time in 1997, Sullivan would do his normal destroying of jobbers, but with a little added twist: Miss Jacqueline was on the outside of the ring helping out.
Here the pair team up against Hector Guerrero, who gets put through his paces several times outside the ring. Jacqueline suplexes him and has a few nice trunk grabs while throwing him back into the ring for more punishment from Daddy. The crowd is just eating this shit up. There’s just something about watching a woman kick a guy’s ass that gets people excited. Don’t ask me for the cultural or biological reasons, but it’s true. Even if in this case the good guy is the one being destroyed. I love the look Jacqueline gives the camera the second time she sends Hector back for his doom, a little sexy look that says, yeah, I just destroyed him, I liked it, and if you were in his same boots, I’d do the same to you. If only.
ARN ANDERSON DOES SO MANY AWFUL THINGS TO TOMMY ANGEL
Another one of those Jobber Hall of Fame matches that all jobber fans have committed to memory, as if they’re a Baby Boomer reciting Mickey Mantle’s stats. Just, a perfect match. It really is. It’s nice to know that in this world where there are so many fucked up things, you can always call this match up on YouTube and just watch a real heel utterly and totally destroy one of the greatest jobbers ever.
Start with Tommy’s white trunks. Hell, start and end there if you want, I won’t blame you. Those trunks should have their own memoir. The stories they could tell. The places they’ve seen, primarily the inside of Tommy’s ass as they were always shoved up by evil heels. Here, Arn pulls Tommy’s trunks over and over and over and over again. And then again for good measure. For our purposes for this blog, the two important ones are when he flings Tommy through the ropes, and then when he throws him back in. But every trunk grab in this match is near mythical status, ending with the brain buster and Arn yanking Tommy over onto his back for the three-count.
But let’s talk about when Arn does get Tommy out on the concrete. He mounts the jobber from behind, fucks him with his heel balls, and just scrapes his prettyboy face into the concrete. No regard for Tommy’s feelings as a person. So disrespectful. The ref actually has to leave his post and come down outside the ring to tell Arn, hey, maybe back off the kid. Let him live this time.
I’ve masturbated to this match 576 times. Wait….hold it…..hold on…..577. Ahhhh.
THE MOONDOGS DESTROY TWO PUPS
This one…you just have to sort of watch. I love when announcers tell real wrestlers that what is happening inside and outside the ring to “these two young punks” is what’s going to happen to them. Jobbers are there to be made examples of. We don’t expect them to win, and rarely will they even compete. They’re the Washington Generals in skimpier clothing.
Here the Moondogs, the obese, disgusting, foul-smelling (I assume) Moondogs destroy two ham and eggers named Ricky Hutchins and Jeff Hayes. The rules of wrestling don’t apply to the moondogs. At one point it appears the rules of society don’t even apply. But that’s what happened so often when jobbers were taken outside the ring. It was all game, anything you wanted to do was now okay. Heels became feral beasts when hot jobber boys were no longer protected by wrestling norms that are set inside the ring. How about the hits with the fucking chair? Jesus. You shouldn’t do that to a person. Fortunately you are able to do it to jobbers. “This is horrible the way they beat these young guys.” Well, yes….and no.
TULLY BLANCHARD EVISCERATES TRENT KNIGHT IN FRONT OF HOT GAL
Tully Blanchard was watched in this match by his valet, Dark Journey. A lovely looking lady who proceeds to watch as her man utterly destroys the jobber Hall of Famer Trent Knight, here wearing some outstanding, silky light blue trunks. Oh, Trent. Tully really seems to enjoy hurting Trent. Did he make eyes at Tully’s girl back in the locker room? Did he call her a slut? Did he tell her she should be with a real man like him and didn’t you know wrestling was fake and I’m actually tougher than Tully? Whatever the hell happened, Tully put a real effort into this destruction. And the crowd outside the ring got a great viewing.
Just look at that row of women in the front there, as Trent stumbles around like a concussed quarterback. He doesn’t know where the hell he is but later when he watched the match on TV I’m sure he was a bit ashamed to be humiliated like this in front of a few ladies. One lady, sitting cross legged, even puts her glasses on to get a better look at the piece of jobber meat being presented to her.
At 43 seconds Dark Journey is taking in Trent and analyzing the jobber’s fine ass. And at the 1:06 mark, after Tully gives Trent two absolutely brutal knees to the stomach (again, I want to know how Knight insulted Tully that led to this stiff reaction) we see Dark Journey, well, nipping out in her dress. I think she enjoyed this as much as we did.
Tully puts Trent back into the ring by using his spandex trunks and giving the jobber a nice little wedgie, in front of God, country, the women in the front row and the horny Dark Journey. It ends with Tully’s patented slingshot suplex. I have no doubt that later that evening, Tully and Dark Journey fucked while ridiculing the efforts of Trent Knight.
LEX LUGER MAKES A JOBBER STARE AT HIS OWN HUMILIATION
This is an after-the-match humiliation outside the ring when Luger throws the jobber (Reno Riggins I think) and then makes the jobber look in a fucking mirror while Luger berates him. What a weird concept! And why is it so fucking hot! Imagine being a jobber who watches his matches on TV. Humiliating enough. But in this match the jobber actually has to stand there and see his reflection. The little trunks. The real man directing him on what to do. The audience and crowd taking it all in. So emasculating. At 2:55 the jobber haplessly flails his arm, as if he’s wishing for it all to go away. STOP SHOWING ME MYSELF! IT’S TOO MUCH! MAYBE I CAN WAVE IT AWAY! No, you can’t.
KEITH HART GOES FLYING ON MOONDOG AIRLINES
This match featuring Not That Keith Hart but the jobber one, proves that there are different ways to throw jobber trash out of the ring. You’re only restricted by your imagination. The grotesque, diabetic Moondog presses Keith and then tries to throw him over the rope! Yikes. Instead Hart flops like a fish. Finally Moondog flings him into the post and Hart is out and about. Again Rex presses the pathetic jobber and slams him outside the ring. How about the lady at 1:43 with the camera, zooming in on Keith’s ass as he’s lifted by his trunks above Moondog’s ass. I bet she was very eager to get that film developed down at the pharmacy. When Hart lands on the mat outside, I mean…that’s gotta hurt, right? Love how he lays there so all of us at home can finally enjoy his miseery. If Hart thought maybe he’d be counted out and lose that way, he’s mistaken as Rex gives a nice wedgie toss-in as he stuffs Hart back under the ropes.
MISSY HYATT RIDICULES TOM ZENK’S WHITE PANTIES
I’ve been waiting for this match to hit YouTube for a decade. It’s a nondescript match. Utterly nondescript. The Motor City Madman (who?) against the lovely Z-Man, Tom Zenk. It’s a little back and forth and eventually Z-Man prevails. Zzzzzzzzzz. But what I love about this match is one incident that takes place outside the ring and the reaction of the announcer at the time, Missy Hyatt. As Madman throws Zenk back into the ring, he grabs a handful of those wondrous orange trunks and reveals Tom’s white panties. Sorry, liners. Briefs? Fuck that. They’re panties. Tom Zenk wore panties under his trunks. It’s okay, no judgment here, some guys like the feel of them on their balls. But facts are facts. And the crowd sees those panties and…POPS. Big time. You can hear the audience cheering when they see the jobber’s unmentionables on prominent display. And Missy, lovely Missy, says, “Oh oh, oh oh. I think I saw something. Whoooo.” And then a giggle. God damn. What a dream, to have a woman laughing at you because you’re being embarrassed in the wrestling ring. To me that’s hotter than Pamela Anderson was in 1991. As a jobber I wouldn’t have worn panties under my trunks but I might have made a one-time exception if I could have been assured something like this would have happened to me. Years later Zenk gave an interview and talked about being mad at the Madman for revealing his liners. The questioner even asks about Missy’s and the crowd’s reaction. People liked it! They did.
BLACK BART YANKS A BOY OUTSIDE
Terry Garvin? Terry Simms? 25 years later, still not totally sure what this dude from GWF was named. But he knew how to suffer. And he knew what types of trunks the fans liked their jobbers to sport. The best part about this incident of a jobber being taken outside for some punishment is how Bart pulls the jobber through the ropes by his trunks, and the cameraman, thank you Jesus, is in the right spot at the right time. Kudos to the director too. What’s amazing is you can HEAR Simms’ trunks snapping into place after the heel grabs them. Watch and listen again in that 6:32 range. You hear the trunks snapping after Bart grabs them. I love that. I live for that. Well, I mean I have other things in my life that bring me pleasure but little perversities like that really make this life worth living. Once outside the ring, Bart executes my favorite move, a little revealing press by holding Simms’s trunks above his ass, and drops him on the barrier. The jobber writhes and cries and fixes his wedgie while the Texas crowd takes it all in while thinking of seceding.
HEADSHRINKERS CAUSE INTERNAL BLEEDING
This is an awe-inspiring match. It’s a display of amazing athleticism. The Samoan Headshrinkers throw a jobber in red trunks outside the ring and then with the poor pussy just laying there like a slab of meat, one of the crazed savages leaps onto his body from the top rope. To the outside. From the top rope. Holy fuck. How and why did the jobber agree to this? That had to break some ribs, right? Was he paying off some debt to Vince McMahon and agreed to sacrifice his body for the greater good? And how much coke did the Headshrinker snort before making this leap? God damn. And how about the cameraman, crouching down, and then putting the camera right into the jobber’s fucking face. Smile tough guy! Everyone back home who thinks you’re a respectable guy has to be given an up close look at how miserable you are now. Oh, and in those silky red trunks, is that a boner you’re showing? Geez, how humiliating. The way the jobber in red is laid out must have been how the Samoan forebears sprawled out their sacrificial victims on the altar, minus the cute trunks, of course. The Headhsrinker then has to still pin the jobber so we get a nice little trunk pull to get the depleted jobber back into the ring.
CHAZ AND HIS…..UM, SMALL TRUNKS, SUFFER
Chaz, the teenage heartthrob! A teen. Wearing these god damn trunks in the ring. This was….legal? I guess? Maybe? How did the GWF get away with this delicious nonsense back in the early 1990s? Anyone with eyes and a functioning sexuality could have told the promoters that this was not proper attire for a wrestler. A teenager at that. A teenage jobber. Half the women in the audience were wearing panties that provided more coverage than this ridiculous Chaz outfit. But thank god they let him wear it!
Here, Chaz gets thrown out, with the horny cameraman and the director who guided this production while fully erect — kudos! — gives us an up close view of the proceedings. Look at the tanline on the jobber. Look at him rolling around in misery on the floor. While other people his age are going to keggers at college, he’s being abused in front of a national audience. While he’s on the blue mat, Chaz practically finger fucks himself as he oh so gently adjusts the wedgie out of his ass. There’s a large number of elderly women in the crowd watching this all happen. Was Bingo night a different night? But who can blame this older gals for paying money to watch a teenage boy in minuscule trunks take an ass kicking right in front of them? At their age you take whatever pleasures of the flesh you can get. Mike Davis does what we all wanted him to do and goes out onto the mat to continue the punishment. He delivers a DDT and that leaves us with the amazing sight of Chaz and his spread legs. Okay, now we’re getting into like R-rated material. Someone do something to stop this carnage and soft porn.
CHAZ……WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Oh, you thought those were the smallest trunks Chaz could wear, the ones against Mike Davis? No. At one stage he meekly wandered into a Victoria’s Secret and asked them for their wrestling panty and the 18-year-old again pranced out in front of horny Texans to suffer for them. Remarkable.
Look at the fucking maniacs who encourage the heels to choke Chaz with their boot. Outrageous. Chaz is out there entertaining, being a good sport, and the fans want to see him suffocated? Well, sounds good! And then at 3:10, the heel in pink pulls and yanks on those little trunks and brings Chaz back into the ring with a suplex. The yanking! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite that homoerotic or vicious on a vertical suplex. I mean, when I’m giving myself suplexes for pretend, that’s how I do it. But I’m a horny jobber who enjoys humiliation and I’m masturbating so that I can cum in my trunks. The yanking serves a purpose. This was a real match on ESPN! And to bring the jobber back into the ring, Rip nearly destroyed the trunks. And the announcer tells us, “Using the trunks to pull him over with a suplex.” I mean, it was the purple elephant in the room, someone had to say something. Later the heels again destroy Chaz on the outside and if this had continued for the next 25 years no one would have complained.
BOB EMORY IS A 30-SECOND MAN
Ah, Bob again. This time against Bad News Brown. Here, Bad News finishes Emory off with a kick to the head and then is so disgusted by the very sight of the jobber that he pulls the FRONT of Bob’s trunks, pulls him to his feet, and fires him out of the ring. Very disrespectful. This paycheck probably didn’t go very far in helping Bob pay off that podium damage from years earlier.
STAN AND SID USE A STRETCHER FOR GOOD
When you put Sid Vicious and Stan Hansen on the same tag team, you’re sort of saying to any jobber that’s going to face them: You’re fucked. There’s just no way jobbers aren’t going to be seriously damaged, physically and emotionally, by this tag team. And a lot of it is going to happen outside the ring, in front of the fans, and it’s going to involve things like, oh, wait, fake EMTs and stretchers. What?!
The revolting Hansen first gives a great wedgie while spilling tobacco juice all over the fucking jobber. Later Stan kicks the jobber to the floor, as if he was mad at the family dog and kicked him out the door. You’re not supposed to treat humans like this, but jobbers are like a different species. Spit on them, kick them, do it all. That’s what they’re their for! I love how the one jobber fag helps the other one up and helps him get back into the ring! Here you go, buddy, get back in there and get humiliated and dominated. That’s it. Better you than me. Eventually this destruction ends with a powerbomb and then Hansen destroying a jobber outside the ring. I love the way he hauls the fag around by the hair, giving everyone ringside a good look at what it really looks like when one man dominates another. It’s not always a pretty sight. It can be ugly and dangerous. But it’s always hot. Then the stretcher comes into play! One jobber is slammed onto it while the other one is thrown over the ropes. Look out below! A stretcher! So genius.
WOMAN WITH STICK BEATS UP MAN IN TRUNKS
Here you get a jobber in skimpy trunks (Alan Reynolds, who always seemed to have asked the seamstress to give him the tiniest trunks possible) being shoved to the arena floor and then the valet Sylvia…beats him with some Kung Fu stick. What? Jesus, woman, I understand taking the frustration of thousands of years of female mistreatment out on a jobber but this is a bit extreme, especially as the pansy is lying there trying to pull the trunks out of his ass. Give the man a second to regroup out there.
STEVE AUSTIN’S VALET SLAPS JOBBER IN ASS
This is before Steve Austin became, you know, STEVE AUSTIN. His short-lived valet was Vivacious Veronica, who only lasted literally a few weeks. She was replaced by another blonde bimbo. But she had her fun while it lasted!
Here Steve destroys Keith Hart, who again shows how to flop. I call Veronica’s reaction to Keith landing at her feet “Icky Jobber.” Look how she first touches him and then reacts as if he was a hot oven. Oh, yuck, I touched a jobber! Do you think he has cooties? Jim Ross says she pinches him so I guess I’ll trust him. Later, though, with Keith climbing back into the ring, she actually changes her tune and…slaps the trunk-clad jobber in the ass! I don’t remember seeing that type of thing very much back in the day. I’m sure at her waitressing job Veronica probably got her ass slapped all day by guys and here she gets to return the favor.
TIM HORNER GETS HUNG! FOR REAL!
I’ve written about this match before so I’m just going to quote that.
These things really used to happen in pro wrestling. Jobbers like Tim Horner would be paraded out in their cute little trunks, and then beaten and humiliated by disgusting heels, all while horny announcers described the action to horrified — and horny — fans, both in the arena and at home. What a world.
This comes from Smoky Mountain Wrestling, a federation I really know nothing about and only recently discovered on YouTube.
So here’s Tim Horner from September 1992. It’s some dumb feud with Dirty White Boy and a guy in a wheelchair. That’s the setup. Great. Please just watch.
Some highlights: Horner getting blindsided. Horner getting handcuffed behind his back — wasn’t it always better when the jobbers were cuffed behind their back instead of in front. That was a big trigger for me; seemed like it made them more helpless and vulnerable. How about Horner’s mouth briefly looking like it’s going to be forced to suck the cock of the old guy in the wheelchair? The announcer: “He’s going to put handcuffs on him! Got him by the hair! He gave him a noose! And now its right around the neck of Tim Horner! And he’s going to drag him (not that!). ” The simplicity of the commenting kills me. Imagine Jim Nantz saying, “And now Tom Brady took the football from the center. He ran backwards from the line of scrimmage. He threw a forward pass. Rob Gronkowski caught the pass. He ran. He scored a touchdown.” But here it’s describing the torture of a young man. Then Horner being fucking dragged by the neck — as the play by play guy told us — and then stood up and slapped until blood starts pouring out of his face.
Dutch Mantell with the helpful, “He’s stringing him up, Bob!” And then Bob: “He’s got him hanging! And his feet are off of the floor!” How many people were cumming at that moment, watching poor Tim, cuffed, in his ridiculous jobber trunks, his cock probably twitching in the spandex, being threatened with death by someone literally called Dirty White Boy — he was dirty, he was white, he was a boy.
And finally, “They don’t do this to horse thieves!” Oh my god! Genius! No, they don’t. But you know who they do it to? Jobbers.
MIKE ROTUNDA AND HIS LEATHER MASTER EMBARRASS JOBBER WITH WEDGIE
The Varsity Club was so fun to watch when they teamed up to beat up on jobbers. Here, Rick Orasi, whoever the fuck that was, takes the punishment in a match against Rick Steiner. But! But! That was the beauty of the Varsity Club. There would be one main opponent but the whole gang would be there to take it all in. This always made me wonder: Could the jobbers have brought other people ringside to help out? Like, why didn’t Rick Orasi bring Tommy Angel and Cougar Jay ringside to lend moral support or beat up the heels when they came outside the ring? Oh, that’s right, jobbers aren’t allowed those types of things. They can’t have nice things. They are on this earth to be demolished and humiliated by as many people as possible. If three heels want to gang up and beat you up, so be it. Here Rick tosses Orasi out the ring by his trunks, where Orasi (again…who?! Did anyone ever see this jobber again?) lands at the feet of Kevin Sullivan and Rotunda.
And, by the way, Kevin Sullivan is wearing a bondage mask straight out of your leather daddy’s biggest fantasy. Sure, perfectly normal. Nothing perverted about that, Mr. Sullivan! Did they strap that thing onto Rick Orasi afterward, maybe back in the locker room while the rest of the gimp suit was prepared. So there’s Orasi in his little slinky trunks with Rotunda leering at him and Sullivan…I don’t know, contemplating how to lock him into a cage next to his dog? Rotunda delivers a nice punch and Orasi spins like Katarina Witt toward the audience. Rotunda was always outstanding at trunk pulls and this time to send Orasi back into the ring to take his spanking, he grips the left side of the jobber’s trunks and pulls them to the side while shoving him underneath. The embarrassed jobber, perhaps wondering why he ever listened to his mom when she suggested that one time that he should maybe try wrestling, quickly adjusts the trunks once he’s back in. His punishment continues — oh lord how it continues — but at least he’s no longer outside the ring and at the mercy of the demented Sullivan and his cohorts.
KENNY KENDALL GETS FONDLED BY A FAN
Say a detective is grilling someone accused of being a fan of jobbers. He’s in the interrogation room. The subject is nude, tied to the chair, cuffed, maybe gagged. The cop’s trying to prove that this low-life in front of him is a jobber freak. To draw this info out, he might roll in a VCR and TV and just show him the match of Kevin Sullivan destroying Kenny Kendall.
So much here for fans of jobber domination. There’s Kevin Sullivan, the evil Taskmaster himself, a man who actually enjoyed and seemed to get off on punishing any jobber who climbed into the ring with him. You got a nice Saturday Night TV audience. And then you have Kenny Kendall and the ass that came with it, and the blue trunks that, to varying degrees and not always successfully, covered that tight ass. The guy in that interrogation room would be springing a boner in no time.
Thankfully this effort includes some patented Sullivan out of the ring destruction. He seemed to revel in kicking the jobber out of the squared circle and taking the action outside. He was a man of the people in a way. What I wouldn’t give to have had my ass kicked in front of a crowd in front of the cruel Sullivan and his pudgy gut. Sullivan doesn’t toss Kenny out by the back of his trunks but instead executes the rare, but still hot, front-trunk pull, almost exposing the crowd to some jobber cock.
Now, let me take you outside the ring, to the two ladies in the front row, CHEERING loudly for our hero Kenny. There’s a girl in a red skirt and then her friend in the blue skirt, out on the town and looking to watch some hot guys in grappling. They love cheering for Kenny and then the pansy gets tossed right at their feet. Poor Kenny, beat up and slapped around in front of two hotties. What did his girlfriend say to him that night? It’s not like she had to be jealous or worried. While those two girls surely liked seeing a guy beat up, there was little doubt they’d want to fuck him. He’s a jobber for fuck’s sake, can he even get it up unless he’s being beat up by a man? Doubtful.
Listen to those slaps to Kenny. Ouch. Now, I want to point out the weirdest moment in this match. A moment that is very, very, very strange. At 1:24 Sullivan lines up and kicks Kenny in the head on the outside. Kenny grabs the metal divider right in front of the two women. The women actually take a step back. Whoa! I don’t want to touch that jobber, what if his submissiveness washes off on me? But look at the dude in the black hat, at 1:27, creeping into the picture. And now watch as he fondles Kenny’s arm, as if he’s rubbing an ancient orb. It’s done almost in a loving fashion, as if he wants to protect this poor piece of meat who’s being clobbered for our enjoyment. That skin, so jobber smooth! Those trunks, so shiny. It’s borderline sexual harassment of a jobber, which, of course, isn’t actually a crime. Eventually Sullivan finishes off Kenny while those girls express concern for the jobber. So touching.
SULLIVAN ALMOST SENDS TOMMY ANGEL TO JOBBER HEAVEN
“Referee Nick Patrick showing a lot of leniency here.” Yep, that sort of sums this fiasco up. Let’s see, the ref lets Sullivan maul Angel for about 5 minutes outside without counting him our or disqualifying him. He lets him use stairs in the abuse. He lets him throw Angel around like a ragdoll over and over again. Yes, that is leniency. Thank god. And then go to about the 3:42 mark when Sullivan again takes Angel out of the ring and nearly yanks the front of Tommy’s trunks down. There’s that lenient ref again.
I’m sure the jobbers drew straws when it came to having to go against Sullivan. “No, you take him tonight, I’ve heard he’s on a coke bender.” Sullivan’s office was outside the ring, that’s where he could display his real evil nature to the crowd. At one point you can see children nearly cowering from him as he looks to grab the metal barrier to beat up Tommy. I bet some of these kids had nightmares about Sullivan and wondered if, like the boogeyman, he might come to them and kick their ass. A match starting in the midle of the ring was really more of an annoyance to him than anything else. He wanted the fans to see up close what he thought of jobbers and how he treated these sissies in little trunks. They didn’t belong in the same ring. And we were all luckier for it.
There you have it. Some of my favorite out of the ring destructions, dominations and humiliations. Let’s give these jobbers a round of applause…and then throw them outside the ring and kick their ass.