When a squash match disappoints

Hey all. Working on a couple of things that hopefully I get up in the next decade. Won’t tease with titles or subjects because in the past I’ve done that and then not finished them and I feel bad and some readers get a bit feisty, understandably, and act like they want to suplex me…which wouldn’t be all bad.

So this is just a post about what I call WHEN A SQUASH MATCH DISAPPOINTS YOU.

We’ve all been there. A match is all set for a delightful, humiliating squash of a jobber. And then something throws it off so it’s not the total emasculation and utter destruction you wanted. After watching hundreds of squash matches from the golden era of the 1980s and early 90s, here are a few of mine. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

A jobber previously in perfect jobber trunks is now wearing bicycle shorts or long trunks

God damn, you, jobbers. So many of these guys would prance around and get humiliated in little jobber trunks and then eventually transition to longer shorts, bicycle type pants or long tights. Did they finally get too embarrassed? Did their girlfriends finally say, “Hey, listen, you look like a fag out there in Speedos getting beat up.” Did they finally pay off some blackmail to a disgusting promoter and earn their chance to escape panties and wrestle in big boy shorts? Some jobbers who did this: Bob Emory. Fuck. He went from the delicious tiny blue trunks to longer ones. What’s going on, Bob? Chaz wore the skimpiest trunks in the world and eventually moved to long tights. Curtis Thompson was guilty. Ross Greenberg wore amazing pink trunks while getting fucking cow prodded by the Mountie but eventually went to long tights. I would get so angry when I’d see these new uniforms on the jobbers.

Jobber thrown outside the ring or back in…and heel doesn’t use the back of the trunks to toss him

Maybe my single biggest pet peeve. If I was a promoter I would have INSISTED that any heel throwing a jobber outside the ring had to do it by the back of the trunks or face loss of paycheck for the night. No exceptions. At all. Note, this only held if the jobber was properly outfitted in jobber trunks, not tights. I didn’t care what they did when they were wearing long tights.

But if a heel faced Red Tyler, Tommy Angel, Trent Knight, Bob Emory, Todd Overbow, Ben Jordan, anyone in trunks and didn’t use the waistband or the actual ass of the trunks — Rotunda was great at that — when throwing them out, it was so disappointing. WEDGIE those fucking jobbers, god damn it. Instead they’d gently just throw them out or back onto the apron. Christ. Can you imagine having Tommy angel sprawled out in front of you on the cement floor? You’re a heel. That jobber is just begging to be yanked up by the rear, wedgied, held there for a few seconds so all the pretty girls in the front row get a good look at that fag’s ass, and then fire him back under the bottom rope. Don’t just lift him up gently by the arm and then shove him back.

Heel doesn’t use his finishing move

This one related mostly to guys like Bob Orton, Nikolai Volkoff and Barry Windham. Volkoff’s military press backbreaker is my all-time favorite move, as anyone who’s read this blog would know. The jobbers being held up there like a piece of meat, their trunks lifted several inches away from their ass, totally wedgied, sometimes their ass crack on display depending on the camera view, was an all-time classic. I dream about it. But sometimes old Nikolai would just finish off a jobber with a clothesline or a clothesline to the back of the neck or a leg drop or something similarly disappointing. Orton was king of the superplex. Again, I dream of wearing trunks and being lifted up and planted into the corner by Orton. Then slapped or punched to the face before he ascends, grabs a hold of my trunks and flips backward in a crushing maneuver. But he didn’t always use it. Sometimes he made up for it with a piledriver where he lifted the jobber up by his trunks and that was a good substitute. Same thing with Windham, another master of the superplex or facebuster where he’d lift the jobber by the trunks. But he’d use a lariat or a bulldog occasionally….yawn.

Camera angles mess up potentially killer shot

Do I blame the director on this or just bad luck? A guy slaps on a vertical suplex but the camera is on the other side so we don’t see the heel grabbing onto the side of the jobber’s trunks. A jobber is thankfully thrown out by his trunks but we only see the front so we don’t see those trunks being pulled up the jobber’s ass. A heel hooks a jobber’s leg on the three count but we don’t get the angle that shows the jobber’s ass and crotch on total display to the crowd. Dr. Death Steve Williams easily scoops up a pussy jobber for his powerslam finish, which always included him pulling down on the top of the trunks to reveal the hapless foe’s crack, but the camera shows us an angle from behind the heel. My ideal technology thing would allow fans to control camera angles.

Handcuffed foe isn’t handcuffed behind his back

This is my specific kink as I know a lot of people like seeing the jobber cuffed to the ropes. That never really did it for me. I loved when a heel like the Mountie or Big Bossman cuffed their jobbers behind their back, really making them totally helpless. Or hogtied them rightly arms and legs behind. Just seeing a jobber with one hand cuffed to the ropes didn’t get me excited.

Some ridiculous intrusion destroys an otherwise amazing squash opportunity.

A great example of this was Chris Hawn (Hahn) against Papa Shango. Papa Shango’s finishing move of the shoulderbreaker put the jobber up on his shoulders and revealed his manhood to god and everyone else. Todd Overbow’s  package was on complete display in his faggy purple trunks. Red Tyler appeared to have a boner when lifted onto the big man’s shoulders. When Hawn stepped into the ring against Shango in little trunks, I was already jacking off. And then SHango puts a curse on him and his hand starts on fire!!!! WHAT THE FUCK. No match. Are you kidding? I refuse to put the video on here but youtube it if you want to. Ridiculous. Oooooh, scary. Hahn was going to be racked onto Shango’s shoulders in baby blue trunks and his little jobber cock was going to be on full display….but nooooooo.

The wrong guy gets dominated in a tag team squash

Picture this: NWA studios, Saturday night. Tiny ring, crowd close to the action. Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard about to fucking destroy two jobbers. Particularly one jobber because one sad sack always had to take the brunt of the punishment. One of the jobber foes wears tiny trunks, the other long tights. Please god let the jobber in trunks get destroyed, maimed, manhandled, wedgied. Instead…..that jobber spends 10 seconds in the ring while the guy in long tights is put through his paces for like six minutes. Hated that. Get the jobber in trunks in there and have him be humiliated in front of his partner and the crowd. Who decided these things and thought it’d be good for the guy in tights to get destroyed?

There are a few of mine. Feel free to add yours!

About humiliatedjobber

From Southern U.S.. Have always been fascinated with wrestling, specifically jobbers who are embarrased and degraded in the ring in their trunks. Always wanted to have my trunks yanked on as the crowd laughs and the evil heel dominates me, in the WWF or WCW. Contact me at rookiejobber@yahoo.com
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to When a squash match disappoints

  1. Alex Miller says:

    I totally agree with the tag team one. Especially when one is the traditional victim, but then for some unknown reason they decide to switch roles against great heels.

    I thought you were going in a different direction on the intrusion one. I hate when the heel is interrupted by outside interference and ends up not squashing his victim. I know jobbers are nothing but props, but you think things are going to be great then the heel’s main rival shows up and you end up with “squashus interruptus”.

    How about when they used to cut away for a commercial? It’s all even then you come back and the face is suffering. They even rub it in sometimes by saying it’s been all “Heel X” during the break. I always used to try to imagine what punishment I missed, but I’d have rather seen it.

    • humiliatedjobber says:

      Yes! I was actually going to mention the one you so brilliantly call squashus interruptus. Like this: Bob Orton destroying Trent Knight and then Dick Murdock comes out and interrupts it!!! AAGGGH. Cut away right as Orton as lifting him up for a suplex.

      The commercials were so weird, and I would panic so much because you could anticipate when a jobber humiliation was about to happen and then the commercial came. I would try to will the commercials to end. WWF did it, NWA and Global big time. Horrible.

  2. JorgePR says:

    Excellent topic!

    Yes, I hate the commercial thing, and also when a match is “joined in progress” and the jobber had already suffered a couple of minutes and we missed it!

    About the “squashus interruptus” Alex Miller so very well pointed out, what about when Stan Lane was destroying Curtis Thompson (one jobber I always liked to be destroyed as he came across as too cocky for a jobber, at least to me), and he had to stop because someone attacked Dennis Condrey on the locker rooms? I wanted so bad to see Thompson finished.

    The ones I agree the most are the handcuffing. Such a waste to have a jobber cuffed by one hand only. Bob Emory vs Big Boss Man comes to my mind (twice, Emory wearing his famous blue trunks, and a second time he was wearing red); both times BBM cuffed him by one hand, but it would have been great to have Emory completely vulnerable and exposed. What a difference from when Mountie cuffed Russ Greenberg, or when Bunkhouse Buck hogtied Kenny Kendall. Great moments! There was a tag team match between The Twin Towers against Chris Collins and Alan Reynolds (you can YouTube it, although it was… joined in progress); at the end of it, BBM cuffed one jobber to the other above the upper rope and punished them both. it was great, but i think it’d have been better had him cuffed the jobbers through the middle and top rope (the way they were cuffed they could’ve easily got away… of course they wouldn’t do it as they were the jobbers of the night, but they could have). Another jobber who got cuffed a lot was Tracy Smothers (say what you want, he’ll always be a jobber to my eyes) during his NWA Memphis run.

    Although I like jobbers wearing trunks, I have to admit there’s something about them wearing bike shorts too. Emory looked great in the black and blue ones; made their legs look thicker and his ass “bubblier”. Also, Tommy Angel wore some yellow and purple on occasions that looked good as well. I prefer trunks, of course, but bike shorts weren’t that bad after all. Long tights I hate!

    And also yes to the “usually designated jobber” being spared on a match. Emory not getting his ass kicked in favor of some unknown one-night-jobber? Please.

    And as we’re in this topic, I also hated it when the jobbers didn’t do their part. I mean, I have identified some gimmicks that I associate with some jobbers specifically, and I was so disappointed when they didn’t show up during a squash match. Think of Bob Emory shaking off the cobwebs after a slam, or Trent Knight not getting military-pressed (heels seemed to have a preference for military-pressing him, they did it a lot. I think of Knight as the King of Military Presses lol). Tommy Angel not getting his mouth finger-fucked and pulled back up-close to the camera (Kendall was great at this too).

    I have soooo much to say about this topic, but it’d take pages, so I’ll stop now. Again, thank you for this post and for letting us share our likes and dislikes on wrestling and jobbery.

    • humiliatedjobber says:

      Great comments as always, Jorge. Always appreciated, and don’t worry about going on for pages and pages. No one will complain!

      The Knight military press is funny because in the Orton match I mention that got interrupted, the only good thing is that he did manage to press him before the interruption. Thank god.

    • Alex Miller says:

      One thing that helped me accept bike shorts was thinking about the fact that this guy is such a complete jobber that he couldn’t even get proper gear. It makes him just the lowliest kind of wrestler that he bought his stuff at the local Walmart or wherever and is now wearing it on TV.

      • humiliatedjobber says:

        Haha, I do like the idea of the guy having to go to Walmart to get his stuff. I think my problem with it is more if a guy has started in trunks, and then transitioned to the bicycle shorts. If he starts off that way, with his inferior gear, that’s fine. But I just hate when we’ve been treated for so long to a jobber in trunks and then they wear something longer. It makes it seem like the bastard had a choice to cover himself up in something that’s not as revealing and I don’t like jobbers having rights like that.

        Another minor thing I thought of that annoyed. AGain, not major, but still annoyed: When the announcer in a squash match didn’t concentrate on the action in the ring. Instead they’d prattle on about an upcoming Starcade or Wrestlemania or about a feud involving the heels in the ring and some babyface tag team. And they talk and talk while ignoring the utter destruction going on in the ring. I NEED the announcer to talk about “the youngster” being abused in the ring by the veteran. I need to hear the announcer talk about the jobber being lifted like a bag of flour or manhandled like a sack of potatoes. I need the announcer to tell me how the heel is “just brutalizing” this young kid in the ring and showing no mercy.

      • JorgePR says:

        I also hate it when the announcers don’t concentrate in the ring action and the jobber destruction but talk about any other thing instead.

  3. JorgePR says:

    Just found this, talking about hancuffing and hogtying. Not precisely one of tjose, but Stan Hansen tying Alan Reynolds’ (one of my fav jobbers) feet to the top turnbuckle while holding him upside down. Look at the 1:10 mark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylO5lcfeD3Y

  4. I agree about needing to see the most revealing gear, best camera close-ups, and no commercials. I also need to see traditional boots instead of just running shoes or barefoot (although I realize barefoot is preferred by many fans and I don’t want to spark that whole debate again.)

    Another form of squashus interruptus that I hate is when the jobber fights back too much for too long. Picture some jobber suffering on his knees as the Heel struts over to yank him up by the hair, and the wimp decides to suddenly Man Up by punching the Heel in the belly, interrupting his whole attack. Then we all have to sit and wait (or hit the Fast Forward button) until the jobber hopefully remembers his proper role and stops resisting his punishment. Similar to this is when the jobber breaks free of a hold too quickly. If you’re a jobber and you’re being Bearhugged or Sleepered, stay in there and suffer for a while so we can savor it. Don’t just twist free in the first five seconds and go on about your business, ruining a perfectly good Suffer Hold.

    I also hate when the action gets too comical or cartoonish, like the opponents are running the ropes, criss-crossing the ring and narrowly avoiding a collision, then one guy stops running and the stooge keeps foolishly bouncing back and forth across the ring for no reason while we all “laugh” at him. Stupid. Not hot.

    • humiliatedjobber says:

      Good to hear from the Godfather of wrestling minutiae, Wrestling Arsenal! I’m with you on traditional boots, although I too know a lot of folks enjoy the barefoot more.

      And yes, jobber fighting back for too long would make me very angry when watching. I wouldn’t mind maybe a punch, then a dropkick. But the second he throws the heel into the corner and rushes into him, he better be met in the face with a big boot to end the rally.

      With suffering holds, this is a little thing but when the Iron Sheik put on the camel clutch, I didn’t like when the jobber was sort of on his knees a bit, instead of being completely flat on his stomach and cock, and then yanked up by the back, which looked 100 times more painful and humiliating. Take that punishing hold like the jobber you are. It’s why you’re getting paid 10 bucks.

      And agreed completely on cartoonish action.

  5. JorgePR says:

    Wow! Wrestling Arsenal is in the house! Love your posts. I especially liked those about TLS white boots and all the SLT series.
    In fact, I actually came this time as i remembered another thing I hate in matches: when there’s no foot-holding from the heel. Yes, I like it when the heel grabs, holds, pulls the jobber’s leg, ankle or foot. Think of when Al perez or Lex Luger held a jobber’s leg up by the ankle previous to the 4-figure. Or when a heel dragged a jobber by the leg (either if the victim is trying to crawl his way out or just lying flart in the mat) to the center of the ring. Whenever a heel got in contact with a jobber’s leg or boot it was gold. Matches that lacked that kissed something IMO.

  6. jobr4pla says:

    For me the biggest annoyance is when a valet is not used the right way. I realize that I am usually in the minority when it comes to this subject but I am a straight guy who only likes matches involving jobber type wrestlers with valets. I hate it when there is a valet with one of the wrestlers but they either get very little camera time or when the valet is a girl that has no idea on how to react to the action in the ring. I also hate it when they cut away too soon after the match is over and don’t show the valet either rewarding her victorious man and further taunting the losing jobber, or show her tending to her beaten man after he has been defeated. Anyone else agree?

    • humiliatedjobber says:

      Jober4pla, If you have had a chance to read some of my other stories on the site, you’ll see I fully share this love of yours! It’s one of my big kicks, and actually sometimes I’ve been accused of focusing too much on it in my stories! Although one difference I have is that I don’t really care too much about seeing a valet comfort her beaten man. I’m fully into the valet for the heel taunting the jobber. HUGE turn on of mine. Whether it was Missy Hyatt (probably my dream valet to be dominated in front of), Precious, Dark Angel, Madusa, Baby Doll, Woman, Miss Elizabeth, even ugly women like Luna Vachon. Just something about a jobber being dominated in front of a hot valet who knows how to dole out verbal punishment, or smirks or humiliating smiles. So yeah, if they are out there but we don’t really get to see them enjoying their man’s conquest of a humiliated jobber, it’s a disappointment for me too. Thanks for the comment!

  7. born2besquashed says:

    For me, it’s all about the footwear. I can’t truly savor a squash if the designated jobber isn’t wearing an old-school pair of midcalf-high white boots. When I see a no-name loser from the waist up waiting anxiously in his corner for the arrival of his designated punisher and I start to get all hot and bothered, it’s such a come-down to discover that the jobber is wearing boots of any other color. It’s almost as bad as seeing a babyface who once pranced around in skimpy trunks switching to long tights as discussed above!

  8. Davi says:

    Ei Jober4pla. This is your friend Davi. Do you have new stories?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s